Sunday, July 29, 2012

Worst Nightmare

So yesterday was the worst day of my life. First, I tested in the morning as instructed by Dr. N to see if I needed to keep taking the progesterone....negative, of course. Cried a bit, felt sorry for myself and then got ready to go to my close friend's place for dinner. She and her husband are lawyers, super busy, just bought a house and got a puppy. We always have lots of fun together and drink lots of wine (you can see where this is going, can't you?) I figured that we'd have a great evening, get a little tipsy and I'd feel better by the end of the night. So, just as we are getting started making dinner, T pulls out the bottle of wine that we brought and goes to pour my friend a glass. She goes bright red and say, "uh, no thanks, none for me"....she is not a girl who turns down a glass of wine. At that point a sharp knife of fear goes through me as T laughs and says, "What, you're not drinking?" She smiles and says, "Surprise, I'm 3 months pregnant!". I almost died, right there on the spot. I smiled, said congratulations and then pretended to need to use the bathroom where I sat and cried for a good 5 minutes. We still then needed to stay and visit and eat dinner although every fiber of me wanted to run screaming from their house. I had always told T that as long as this particular friend and my sister-in-law did not get pregnant before me, I could deal with other people getting pregnant and be strong and not fall apart. Well, now my worst nightmare has come true...on the same day I find out that my last IUI failed, I get to hear about her pregnancy. This sucks. Didn't sleep at all last night, just laid there and cried. Fun. Poor T, he's sad too but doesn't really know what to do with me. I wish I had someone in my life who was going through this too...its just not fair to be the only one...what if IVF doesn't work either??

1 comment:

  1. I am also the only infertile in my social circle/ family. Both my sisters have become pregnant and had children since we've been trying. Sigh, at least there is the Internet.