Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas!

Sorry for my long absences from blogging...I'm finding this "being infertile but pregnant" blogging while so many of you are still waiting kind of difficult. I don't want to go on and on about my pregnancy but at the same time, I know those of you who are still reading are reading with the knowledge that I am pregnant but still keep coming back! Kind of a delicate balance. I most definitely don't want to be seen as a "born-again fertile". I still gaze longingly at those happy pregnant women with not a care in the world. Why can't it be so easy for everyone? I just don't get it. Why do all of us have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars and put our bodies through hell to get something that others get for free. It will never make sense.

One thing I can say is that THE BLEEDING HAS STOPPED! Friday afternoon I all of a sudden realized that there had been zero blood all day...while every day before that since 7 weeks 5 days, I have had at least some brown spotting. I am hoping that the ultrasound on Friday will show that the SCH is long gone and I won't need to think about it any more. Now that it has only been 3 days without blood, I am still super nervous each time I wipe but so far so good.

Yesterday was a monumental day. I went shopping for maternity clothes. I walked into a local maternity store and kind of froze, feeling like a fraud and pretty overwhelmed. Damn you infertility for making me feel that way on a day that should be exciting! Luckily there was a very nice older sales-lady who came and rescued me. I managed to blurt out "I'm almost 14 weeks with twins"...and she smiled and said "and you're needing some new clothes!" She was great at explaining what I'll need and made the experience a lot less overwhelming than it could have been. I got 2 pairs of jeans and several t-shirts and sweaters. Should get me through for a little while until I can get down across the border for some cheaper shopping in the States. Still can't believe that I am actually the owner of maternity clothes.

I also got to tell my favorite aunt about the pregnancy yesterday which was fun. She makes homemade Christmas stockings for each new member of the family (so far only spouses, as I'm the first of my cousins to get pregnant on my dad's side) so I told her by telling her she better get started on 2 stockings for next year! She is so thrilled for us. On Christmas Day I get to tell my mom's side of the family including my grandma, who is turning 90 soon. She is the only grandparent that T and I have, the rest have passed away. I am so excited because for a long time, in the trenches of infertility, I didn't think she'd live to see us have kids. She is pretty fragile but totally with-it mentally. Can't wait to get pictures of her with our babies!

Well, I am wishing all of you a lovely Christmas/Hanukkah/Holiday season! May 2013 be the year that all of our dreams come true, whatever that may look like. Thank you all for being such an amazing support through treatment and my scary first trimester. I couldn't have done it without you. Truly.


  1. Lovely!! What a great present to tell your!!! She is going to be thrilled for you both.

    p.s I feel like a fraud wearing maternity jeans sucks feeling that way. I wake up every morning and am like oh yeah I'm's surreal!!

    1. Glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!

  2. I am happy for you! I know I will probably feel like a fraud when my IVF finally works too. When I was Christmas shopping at a Children's store I felt that way. Merry Christmas :)

  3. As much as I hate that infertility impacts your experience of pregnancy, I truly appreciate that you aren't a "born-again fertile". I have a friend who could be described as one and I find it particularly hurtful. I am happy for her, but she seems to completely forget what I'm feeling (especially since she got pregnant, without help, the month she was diagnosed with PCOS).

    I'm glad to hear the bleeding has stopped. I hope that as the pregnancy progresses you get to just blissfully enjoy it rather than worry. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!

  4. Hope you had a lovely Christmas! I also hope you get to start enjoying this pregnancy instead of worrying about everything.

  5. I totally understand the seems that even though I'm pregnant, I still feel infertile...Learning to enjoy God's gift and trust in His plan can be scary!

  6. Merry Christmas to you. Glad the bleeding has stopped and you have maternity clothes now. Glad things are doing better.