19 weeks!

Crazy hard to believe...but I'm 19 weeks today! T and I got home last night from a long weekend in Portland and he even convinced me that buying 2 crib mattresses was a good idea! I have 2 crib mattresses in my garage! Now he is going to get started on the cribs. The style I like is called "Oeuf Classic" and looks like this...

Nice and simple and modern. It retails for $970 (gasp!) but with T making it will be like $100! I'm very lucky to have a handy husband! (Insert joke here, those of you with sick minds!!)

In not-so-fun news, I have been dealing with excruciating back pain over the last 2 weeks. Sitting is agony for me, I can only get comfortable laying flat or standing which is difficult since I spend quite a bit of my work day at my desk making phone calls. It doesn't seem like typical "pregnancy-related" back pain because it is more upper-back on my left side. Even as I write this, I am squirming in pain. UGH! I have no idea what I did to it. I've had 3 massages since it started and nothing seems to help. So weird. And, of course, I can't take any pain meds! That being said, of course I'd suffer through this pain for the rest of the pregnancy if it meant having 2 healthy babies at the end...it just makes everyday life kind of miserable.

The main reason we went down to Portland (besides the fact that it is an awesome city) was to look at a few travel trailers for our property in Washington. Since we bought this property last year we have just camped in our tent when we've gone down there but with two babies on the way, I figured we would barely use it at all this summer if it meant tenting with babies. It can get quite cold and wet at night since it is right on the ocean and for just the two of us, we can deal, but I would not feel comfortable with the babies there. That being said, we are YEARS away from being able to build a home on it (like 10 years, I'm thinking) so buying a trailer to park there just makes sense. We ended up finding one in Portland and T will go pick it up and tow it to our place in Westport, Washington in 2 weeks! So excited to decorate it (it has some pretty hideous upholstery and light fixtures that need to be swapped out!) and have an easy get-away once the babies are here! Going there this summer will be very different than last summer when we could both be out surfing or go for endless walks on the beach. Baby-carriers are a definite must for us since we LOVE walking on the beach! I'm guessing I won't be surfing this year but me and the babies can cheer Daddy (that made me tear up, writing that word) on from the shore.

Last year's set-up...

Beautiful beach out front...ready for sand castles!

                 
Since learning we had to do IVF, I've been participating in an infertility forum that has been a huge support to me. A girl I met on there who did IVF (her 2nd round, after a horrible experience with her 1st IVF including a long hospitalization for OHSS and an ectopic) a few weeks after me and got pregnant, just found out that her baby has a 1 in 6 chance of Down Syndrome. Ugh. She is booked for an amnio today. I'm not sure what they are going to do if the amnio comes back positive (she told me that they aren't going to make any decisions until they get the results) but it is going to be really really hard for me to understand if she chooses to terminate the pregnancy. You see, I have grown up surrounded by amazing people who HAPPEN to have Down Syndrome because my mom works with them in the school system. I have also worked with these kids extensively in my career both at the hospital and now in the community. Obviously parenting a child with special-needs is challenging (I've heard that parenting ANY child is challenging...) but to end a pregnancy based on this is hard for me to understand. Of course, she may choose not to terminate the pregnancy and then I'd love to hook her up with some of the families my mom works with (this woman and I live very close to each other and attended the same IF clinic). Those of you who pray, will you pray for her as she and her husband find out the official news in the next few days and decide what to do? Positive thoughts also welcome!

Well, another random post but I feel like something has clicked and I can write again. Hope you all are having a good start to your week!

OK, here it goes!

So...a commenter made me think about the purpose of this blog. It has always been a way to get my thoughts out and connect with other women. Why should that stop now that I am pregnant? Here is goes (there will be no bump shots, sorry).

So today I am 18 weeks 2 days. I can't say that I have loved pregnancy so far....well, I love BEING pregnant, but I'm still so scared that something is going to go wrong that I can't really relax and enjoy it. This week has been the first week that I really started attaching to these babies. Talking, singing to them, being OK with my husband's obsession with stroller research (don't ask) and constantly touching my belly. I think having the belly grow exponentially over the past couple of weeks as helped. There is NO QUESTION that I am pregnant! T has started working on the babies' room. He is so good at wood-working and things like that and so far he has put up wainscotting and will be starting to make their cribs soon too! I went as far as looking at baby bedding this week. Actually found a nice gender-neutral one that I really like. The colors of the bedding are different than I ever imagined I'd like...hey wait, I'll find a picture of the bedding I like...hold on...

See...totally different but I like it! The quilt has a little surfboard, flip-flops and tropical flower on it which is so us! I don't think we'll paint the room orange, maybe more of an aqua color. 

About genders...I have always said that I would not find out the gender of a baby I was having before giving birth. I kind of have a thing for surprises so finding out with a joyful shout of "It's a Boy (or Girl)" right after the hard work of delivery just sounds better to me than having an ultrasound tech tell me. I don't know...I just like the idea better. That being said, trust me, I've been tempted to find out (next ultrasound is in 2 weeks) so we'll see if this conviction about not finding out lasts the rest of the pregnancy! The other night while I was looking at bedding I became convinced that I had to find out, otherwise I would never find bedding I liked. Lo and behold, there is some nice gender-neutral stuff out there. I do LOVE finding out what others are having though so in no way do I think it's "wrong" to find out early...it's just my preference for me. 

On Sunday I went to see my friend M from this post. She is due on Feb 13th. Man oh man do I wish that I was at her point in pregnancy! She looks great. She and her husband are lawyers so I did get a bit of a stab of envy when I saw their nursery...top-of-the-line EVERYTHING! I can only imagine how much they have spent! My poor twins will feel like second-class citizens with their home-made cribs and hand-me-downs compared to their rich friend! Oh well...as my mom put it when I mentioned this to her "your twins will have top-of-the-line parents and a custom-made nursery"....thanks mom, that did make me feel better! And T will do a fantastic job on the cribs...it's just hard to think about all the money that we put into treatment that could have been spent on baby stuff! 

OK, now you are all feeling nauseous from this post...sorry! Hope I haven't gone too far! 

January ICLW!

Oh dear...I had high hopes of having a couple of recent posts written to make my blog a bit more interesting for people stopping by for ICLW. Guess this will have to do! WELCOME!

My husband T and I began trying for a baby in February 2010, thinking (like most couples) that it would only be a matter of time. Many many months, a surgery to repair a uterine septum and remove a polyp, 3 months of Clomid, 3 more months of Clomid with IUI's and finally an IVF have gotten us where we are today...expecting twins in June. It's been a crazy ride! We had horrible fertilization in our IVF (2 out of 12 mature eggs fertilized, even with ICSI, despite no sperm issues) and then had a terrible first trimester full of full-on bleeding episodes where each time I expected to be losing these babies. Luckily they have held on and tomorrow I will be 18 weeks! Hard to believe. Now to just make it through at least another 18 weeks or so without any more drama!

As you can see from my lack of recent posts, I am struggling a bit as a "pregnant after infertility" blogger. I am going to try my best to get back into the swing of things. Please comment so I can check out your story as well!