10 weeks

Today I am 10 weeks pregnant. Just writing that gives me the chills. I am so shocked and thankful to be here. Luckily the bleeding has slowed down a lot. I'm still spotting but just trying to take it as easy as possible to prevent it getting worse. It's been exactly a week since any big red gushes and that's the longest without one since this bleeding thing started. I'm still terrified each time I go to bathroom and am still wearing a pad at work "just in case" but I'm REALLY hoping that the worst is over. I don't have another ultrasound until the nuchal translucency one at 12 weeks which seems so far away! Originally we weren't going to do the NT ultrasound and the bloodwork that accompanies it (all looking for genetic issues like Down Syndrome etc). What changed my mind is when my midwife told me that otherwise, my next ultrasound would be at 18 weeks! GULP! I CANNOT go that long without seeing them and making sure they are OK. She also told me that the bloodwork can detect early signs of placental problems as well and that would make me get monitored more closely so I guess that is good information to know. I hope this screening doesn't just make me worry more if something comes back a little "off". We'll just have to wait and see!

It's crazy how, although being pregnant makes other peoples (easy) pregnancies a little more bearable, it still really really stings when I hear a pregnancy announcement. I guess I'll never get over that. Also, a lady at work (everyone there knows) was talking about "next time" I'm pregnant (don't ask me!)...I reminded her that there will likely not be a "next time" as IVF is very expensive and we will be so happy with our two. She just smiled and said..."oh, now that you paid all this money to get pregnant, you'll be able to get pregnant really easily next time". UM WHAT? That's almost as bad as "just adopt, then you'll get pregnant". I really had to hold my tongue. What a strange thing to say!

Worry worry worry...

Pregnancy after infertility is stressful. I am kind of a basket-case these days. Even though the scan on Monday showed no issues, I still fear the worst every time I see blood.  I think one of the problems is that I have read IF forums and blogs for so long that I know pretty much every possible horrible thing that could go wrong. Ugh. Yesterday I bled all day. That was a first for me as before that it would be one gush and then brown spotting while yesterday was lots of red gushes all day. So freaking scary. I know that at this point there is nothing I can do except take it easy and hope that all will be well. I HATE not feeling in control! I took yesterday and today off work to rest but the problem with that is that then I have all day to think and google. BAD! I'm going to try to go to work tomorrow but we'll see how I feel. Come on babies! We've waited so long for you! Please hang on!

While writing this post I got a call from my work supervisor. She made me cry (in a good way). She told me to stay at home the rest of the week and not worry about a thing. If I do decide to come then she'll take me off doing any clinics or baby home-visits and I can just do desk-work and take it easy. She is the best. I was worried that work would start getting impatient with me for all the time I have taken off...first for the IVF, then the OHSS and now this. I am so lucky. My work ladies are a second family to me and are so excited about the twins. Oh boy, now I'm crying again...silly pregnancy hormones!

The babies are fighting...

That is the only explanation I can come up with as once again, the ultrasound was totally fine. We figure they are beating on each other like typical siblings and causing me to bleed. This time the RE did see a bit of blood above one of their sacks but nothing that should have caused the big gushes I had on Saturday. CRAZY! She has told us that she thinks I'm experiencing "normal twin bleeding"...say what?? Why didn't someone tell me to expect it if it is "normal"? I would just prefer it not happen again as now I feel obligated to wear a pad at all times to avoid any very uncomfortable situations at work (nothing like having your nurse run out of the room with blood dripping from her). The RE told us today that they technically don't see people past 9 wks so as of tomorrow, I've graduated! She did say that if I was really panicked and needed some reassurance in the next week or so that they would make an exception. I'm kinda attached to my clinic...I've had such great care I don't want to graduate! My main RE has been fantastic with these bleeding episodes, answering my emails on weekends and giving me advice. He was even willing to see me today between patients if I couldn't get in to one of the actual appointment times. I need to send him some kind of gift as a thank you...any ideas?

Cute story...a friend of mine from work told her 8 year old son that "a lady at work has 2 babies in her tummy"...the little boy looked puzzled for a minute and then asked if the babies have names. His mom told him no, not yet, to which he replied "if I had 2 babies in my tummy I would name them Rocket and Blaster!" His mom told me this story after I had mentioned the bleeding I was having. Guess it's no wonder I'm bleeding if I have Rocket and Blaster inside of me!

More stupid bleeding...

So this weekend T and I decided to take a road trip down to the town where we own property in Washington. It's a little cold to camp on our property so we rented a Yurt (little tent-like cabin thing) for the weekend. Got there Friday night, had a great sleep, went for a long walk on the beach in the morning and then went to my favorite little home decor store in town to look around. While we were there, admiring the Christmas displays all of a sudden...oh shit...the gush feeling again. Ran to the bathroom and sure enough, lots of bright red blood. Happened one more time yesterday evening and then a little bit today. I have a call in to the clinic but haven't heard back yet. We did end up staying down there last night but drove home quickly today. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? Totally screwing up my weekends! I'm hoping we can get in for another ultrasound tomorrow at the clinic or if I bleed more tonight I might just go to ER. Ugh. This is going to be a long 9 months...

It's all good!

Went for the scan this morning and saw (and heard) two beautiful heartbeats. So so thankful. Both babies are measuring well, one at 7 weeks 5 days and the other at 8 weeks (I'm 7 weeks 6 days and they said both measurements were totally fine) They couldn't find a reason for the bleed. She didn't see a clot anywhere so she doesn't think its a SCH unless it completely bled out already. YAY! What a relief! My friend from this post is coming over tonight for dinner and I am planning to tell her about my pregnancy....so glad I have good news instead of horrible news! Hope everyone has a great week!

Bleeding...

So, about an hour ago I felt a bit of a gush, went and sat on the toilet and red blood streamed out of me. It seems to have slowed to just spotting now. Have an appointment tomorrow for another ultrasound to make sure they are still OK. So scared right now...

Can I just be 34 weeks already please?

I don't know how I'm going to make it until June without being admitted to a psych ward. Last night I started to have some pinkish-brown spotting which continued into today. It's not a lot, just a bit there when I wipe. I am a nervous wreck though. I'm wondering if it could be from the ultrasound probe on Wednesday or maybe just normal first trimester spotting (trust me, I've done enough googling in the last 24 hours to have read EVERY "7 weeks and spotting" story out there). I've decided that I would like to be put in a medically induced coma and woken only when we are at a respectable gestational age like 34 weeks. Do you think I could find a doctor to do that for me? It's just sooooooooo nerve-wracking...especially now that I know there are two and I, of course, know all the risks of twin pregnancies. ARGH! Next ultrasound is on the 21st.

One "I love my RE" story for you...when they called to book the 2nd ultrasound they only had openings when T could for sure not go with me. He has already called in sick a bunch of times to be able to come to appointments with me (this u/s on Wednesday being one of them) and his supervisor is starting to get annoyed. We know that he really can't call in sick anymore for this reason but the thought of going without him freaks me out. I had sent an email to my RE with a question about my ovaries (one of which is still over 10cm...about 4 inches...thank you OHSS) and mentioned that I would be there alone for the next ultrasound. He immediately had one of the secretaries call me and book us in to a time where he could do the scan and when T could come with me! Isn't that so nice? He will be doing it on his own time. He is the best. I will definitely be recommending my clinic (and specifically my RE) to anyone I know having to deal with this IF crap.

Thank you for all your lovely comments about the twins! Praying that all of you will get your miracle babies soon too!

And then there were...

TWO! 2 little peanuts with 2 beating hearts. I'm in shock. T totally called it...he's been saying "the babies" since the transfer where I was sure only one would stick around! We go back in a week or two for another scan. So so so happy. Thank you all so much for all your encouragement when I was feeling down. You are the best!

Good Job America!

Just opened my computer and saw "President Obama Re-elected". Actually got tears in my eyes. Way to go America! This is one happy American-property-owning Canadian! Now let the good vibes from this carry over to my scan tomorrow!

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I am TERRIFIED. I had originally told myself that I would try not to get attached to the pregnancy until after the ultrasound but that sure didn't work! I am so in love with this baby already. The other day I was planning next Christmas (2013) in my head (baby would be 6 months old, one of my favorite ages) and thinking of how fun it would be. My mom is trying to decide what she wants to be called (grandma, nana etc) and T's mom is trying to convince his dad that they need to move closer to us. This HAS to work. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let us get good news tomorrow!

Liebster Award!

OK, finally I am getting around to answering my Liebster award questions! Sorry to the two lovely ladies who nominated me! I am very grateful for the nominations!

Here is the first set of questions from From Here to Motherhood. 

1. What was the last good book you read? The Virgin Cure

2. What is the favorite city/country you have ever traveled to? The Galapagos Islands, for sure...highly recommend a trip there! Expensive but absolutely unforgettable!

3. If there was one word you could choose out of the dictionary,  which one would you choose to best describe yourself?  Hmmm...Complicated?

4. What’s your biggest pet peeve? People who litter...I just DON'T understand it!

5. What was the biggest lesson you learned so far while TTC? To nurture your marriage. T and I had too many TTC-related fights and it's just not worth it.

6. Tell me something quirky about you? I have a terrible short-term memory but an unbelievable long-term one. Just ask my husband!

7. Who or what’s been your biggest influence throughout your life? My grandmother. She is an amazing, strong woman. 

8. Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s the most ridiculous thing  on it? I don't really have a bucket list but I have always wanted to go on a cattle-drive!

9. What do you do for a living? I'm a Public Health Nurse...basically an RN who works in the community with babies and families (among other things). Not the easiest job for an infertile. I see newborns every day at work. 

10. How many kids would you like in total? I have always wanted 3 but infertility has decreased that to 2. However, if we are only blessed with 1 then I will learn to be content with that. 

11. If you won 50 million (which is the current jackpot amount of the lottery here) what are the first things you’d do with it? Hmmmm...I think I'd buy a round of IVF for all the wonderful women I've met through this blog...then I'd pay off our mortgage, buy each member of my family the house of their dreams and then TRAVEL! 

And now the second set of questions from Nikki at HopefulandHungry.

1. What is your favorite season and why? Summer. We spend most weekends at our property in Washington State, camping and surfing. AMAZING!

2. What is your favorite movie? Finding Nemo...I know, odd but I just love it!

3. What is your biggest fear? Well, at this moment, my ultrasound next week but on most days SPIDERS! I just cannot handle them. I freak out!

4. If you could find out one celebrity was following your blog, who would you want it to be? Does Kate Middleton count as a celebrity?

5. Who do you tell your secrets to? My best friend E...the one who was just here visiting. 

6. Place you would most like to travel to? Australia. Our plan since we were married was to travel there while I was on Mat leave with our first baby (I get a year off and T could take a month of work to go). We are trying to figure out whether we can still afford this after paying for treatment. 

7. Toilet paper-over or under? Oh my goodness...OVER

8. What motivates you? Knowing that one day my hard work will pay off. 

9. What is your favorite type of exercise? Zumba!

10. What makes you laugh? My husband, seriously he has the BEST sense of humor. 

11. Who do you admire? I have a friend who is fighting her second battle with cancer. This time it's not looking good. Her strength through this fight as been remarkable. 

It seems like many (most) of the blogs I read have already been nominated so I am going to take a cue from EmHart and ask all you readers one question. If you've never commented before, take this as your opportunity to introduce yourself! 

Here it is:  Since I love traveling, I have to ask a travel-related one. If you could move anywhere in the world for one year, all-expenses paid, where would you move? Let's hear it!